Adaptability: A Foundational Skill
We often hear that people's success is tied to their circumstances. Growing up rich, in a good family, etc. However, I think being adaptable to our circumstances is the true foundational pillar toward navigating our mental health and success in general. Adaptability is defined as the quality of being able to adjust to new conditions. Our lives are full of new, ever-evolving conditions, and thus, adaptability becomes important when it comes to living a good life.
We’ve all seen examples of the rich kid who grows up to be broke. Or the person who starts with no advantages going on to build a successful life for themself. It is the ability to adapt, regardless of the cards we are dealt, that determines our levels of success. Life is a series of micro-adaptations, which can seem daunting. HOWEVER, we are complex, flexible, and intelligent creatures. We need to lean into that. Ultimately, becoming stuck in our ways without responding to the changing environment leads us to trouble. A tale that is as old as time.
A factor that makes adaptability difficult is the fact that our culture does NOT promote adaptability. There are simply too many choices and so many ways to avoid challenges. And too many outlets to escape ourselves and our realities. Being forced to ‘work with what we’ve got’, or to ‘play with the cards we were dealt’ becomes far too rare. So then we lack the practice it takes to develop strong adaptability. The result is stifled creativity, weakened problem-solving skills, and vicious cycles of behavior.
Streaming services, dating apps, and large food menus all provide an example of how having too many choices hurts our ability to choose a direction and be adaptive. If we select a Netflix show and don’t like the first episode, instead of adapting our mindset to meet the show, we are tempted into just backing out and making a different selection out of the many offerings. We most likely will end up with media that is less likely to challenge us or stimulate new thinking. In this way, we don’t level up the skill of adaptation, and put ourselves at risk for choice paralysis, and decision fatigue. Sometimes being adaptive is giving that thing, whatever it is, a chance.
Based on the conversations I’ve had with friends and colleagues, and some research, this also appears to happen in modern dating apps. When you are in the early stages of meeting someone and conflict or discomfort arises, the apps make it easy to flake out and choose a different person. Instead of learning to understand, cooperate, and adjust ourselves to the other person, we are encouraged to move on without much self-reflection. Thank you, Next. Of course, there are times when we do need to walk away from people, but what happens when we do this repeatedly, is we cut off our learning and self-development and we damage our chances of succeeding in future relationships.
So, how can we learn the skill of adaptability and put it in our lives? I have a few suggestions to think about.
The first idea would be to work to DECREASE our reactivity and the general impulse to deny new or conflicting information. Being adaptable is INNATE and an inner resource we all have access to as human beings. Oftentimes, our adaptability gets thwarted simply because we aren’t allowing new information, stimuli, or people into our lives. We’ve all probably scoffed at an idea that initially invoked a gut reaction in us(which may have later revealed itself to be a good idea). If instead, we moved toward an aim of UNDERSTANDING not REJECTING new information our likelihood of adapting to change increases.
The next idea is to challenge our own black-and-white thinking. In other words, learn to think in shades of grey. Often, especially during times of high emotions, we frame our situations in an all-or-nothing way, making us FEEL like we MUST hard-commit to a certain course of action. This not only decreases our ability to adapt and problem-solve, it increases our stress levels, as we are unable to see the other options or choices that are available. Instead of framing things as this or that, make sure you also consider: ‘BOTH This AND That’, or ‘NEITHER This NOR That’. Sometimes we need to accept and combine both perspectives of a dilemma. In other instances, we may need to reject both in pursuit of something completely different! This is how you can come to see a 3rd road, middle-ground, or an alternate route forward. That adapting!
The final idea is learning how to ‘personalize’ our ideas, beliefs, traditions, habits, and activities. Personalization is like how an artist chisels his vision into stone. It involves taking a raw material and shaping it into something uniquely yours. This could mean taking a continuous task at work and developing a workflow that achieves the task in a way that works for your mind. As opposed to, begrudgingly completing a task, using instructions and methods given to you by an out-of-touch manager. You don’t have to overthrow the system, but in an ideal world, you apply your own spin to the demands of the world. This creates harmony between how you think and what you do.
Another example would be, learning how to take a wellness concept, like exercise, or reading, and making it work for you. If your mornings are too busy, maybe exercising in the afternoon or evening would work for you. If you struggle to sit down with a physical book, consider downloading an audiobook. Maybe you could combine both the audiobook with an evening walk. Thats adapting!
In a world full of pressures, temptations, and turbulent technology, it is helpful to have a strong awareness of our current ways of living and to be on the lookout for areas we can adapt and improve.
I will leave you with a quote from psychiatrist Viktor Frankl who said “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Live Well!
ST