Understanding Core Emotions

Emotions are a fundamental part of our human experience, guiding our actions and shaping our relationships. Each emotion has a unique purpose, and how we manage our emotional states significantly impacts our well-being. Our emotional lives should neither be avoided nor be the end-all-be-all. Emotions remind us that we are alive and engaged in the human journey. They are proof of our capacity to feel, love, struggle, and grow.

So why should we learn about our core emotions? Understanding our emotions is helpful as it allows to gain a better understanding into what we value. It allows us to make better decisions, be more attuned to our relationships and allows us to experience a fuller, richer life. Our emotional dimension can inform and improve our cognitive, social, and spiritual dimensions.

The paradox of emotions is that the more we avoid and suppress our core emotions, the more our lives become bound to those emotions. For example, a couple who routinely avoids vulnerable emotions such as disgust or shame, will inevitably develop habits that focus on avoiding emotions, at the expense of the other dimensions of their relationship. Emoting, expressing, and communicating with others allows our bodies to process emotions while not letting them take over our lives.

Here's a quick guide to understanding key emotions, their purposes, common pitfalls, and healthy ways to express them.

Anger

Purpose: Anger signals that something is wrong, often a violation of our boundaries or values.

Common Pitfalls: Suppressing anger can lead to resentment while expressing it aggressively can harm relationships.

Healthy Expression: Acknowledge and confront the underlying causes of one's frustration while taking responsibility for one's emotions and actions. Don’t get caught up in the surface-level distractions. Engage in physical activities like running, skipping stones, playing music, or lifting weights to practice channeling that energy constructively.

Sadness

Purpose: Sadness helps us process loss and reflect on what's important in our lives.

Common Pitfalls: Ignoring sadness can lead to emotional numbness while dwelling on it can result in undue anguish.

Healthy Expression: Allow yourself to shed a tear and discuss your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor. Give yourself the time to stare out the window on a rainy day. Engage in creative outlets like writing, art, listening, or playing music to process your emotions.

Fear

Purpose: Fear alerts us to potential danger and prepares us to take action to protect ourselves.

Common Pitfalls: Avoiding fear-inducing situations can limit personal growth, while chronic fear can lead to anxiety.

Healthy Expression: Face your fears gradually through exposure, starting with less intimidating scenarios. Practice relaxation and stress reduction techniques to improve your capacity to handle fearful stimuli.

Surprise

Purpose: Surprise captures our attention and prepares us to respond to unexpected events.

Common Pitfalls: Overreacting to surprises can cause unnecessary stress or poor decisions while underreacting can make us seem indifferent and incongruent.

Healthy Expression: Take a moment to process the surprise before reacting. Notice the physical sensations that occur when you become surprised. The Surprise emotion usually happens quickly but can cause us to react in ways that can largely impact our lives. Share your experience with others to connect and gain perspective.

Joy

Purpose: Joy encourages us to pursue activities and relationships that bring us fulfillment.

Common Pitfalls: Chasing constant joy can lead to burnout while downplaying joy can rob us of meaningful experiences.

Healthy Expression: Fully immerse yourself in joyful moments without guilt. Savor the positive experiences. Challenge any self-limiting beliefs about your happiness and permit yourself to savor positive moments. Share your happiness with others and express gratitude for the positive experiences that you do have.

Shame/Guilt

Purpose: These emotions help us recognize when we've strayed from our values and motivate us to make amends.

Common Pitfalls: Excessive shame can lead to a damaged self-esteem while ignoring guilt can damage relationships and impede our individual development.

Healthy Expression: Acknowledge your feelings and take responsibility for your actions. The challenge with this emotion is learning to detect true shame, which usually means we’ve violated some social/moral code, from inappropriate/misplaced shame or guilt derived from our childhood and early experiences. Apologize sincerely and make efforts to correct your mistakes when true shame arises. This is a chance to grow personally and improve our social relationships.

Excitement

Purpose: Excitement energizes us and propels us toward new experiences and achievements.

Common Pitfalls: Acting impulsively on excitement can lead to risky decisions while suppressing it can dampen enthusiasm and damage our approach to life.

Healthy Expression: Fully experience the moment with authentic enthusiasm. Channel your excitement into meaningful actions and choices that align with your values and aspirations. Share your excitement with others to build momentum and support. Check yourself so you don’t fly to close to the sun.

Disgust/Contempt

Purpose: Disgust helps us avoid harmful substances or behaviors, while contempt can indicate a need to address disrespect.

Common Pitfalls: Overreacting with disgust can lead to social isolation while expressing contempt carelessly can damage relationships.

Healthy Expression: Identify the source of your disgust and take appropriate action to avoid/manage it. If feeling contempt, communicate your concerns respectfully and seek a resolution. Don’t let contempt stew and bubble inside of you as this will only cause the grip of such emotions to tighten.

All of these core emotions are HEALTHY to experience. Many people develop an avoidant relationship to their emotions. If you take away anything from this post, I hope it is that our emotions are FUNCTIONAL and USEFUL, not frivolous and irrational.

Generally speaking, our emotions are there to tell us when we have a deficiency or excess in any of these areas of human need:

-Privacy -Security -Autonomy -Competence -Attention- Intimacy -Community -Status -Purpose

As a human being, if any of these needs are lacking or out of balance, you can expect an emotional response. This is TOTALLY OKAY! If we are able to regulate our physical bodies to think clearly about our current needs, our negative emotions generally have a logical connection to a missing need. Having this understanding should help us navigate the complexities of our emotional life and inform our decisions moving forward.

In a world that often encourages emotional suppression, it is important to remember that our emotions are not only natural but also necessary. They also don’t need to completely tangle our rational mind. Emotions should be understood, experienced, and balanced. They are the heartbeat of our existence, signaling our aliveness and our connection to ourselves and others. By understanding and expressing our emotions, we open ourselves to the fullness of our humanity and the beauty of our shared emotional landscape.